liukaiqin (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} liukaiqin) wrote,@ 2006-04-18 16:31:00 |
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Right, now I can enter society again.
Glibness (yep - glibness) has led me down a terrible odious path of generalisation to which I'm like totally addicted. I say the most awful things, in the assumption that everyone else cares as little as I do! Too late, I realise this isn't the case, and that I'm in fact just extremely stupid.
Before I stop generalising entirely, I have to go on a binge. I hope it's educational.
Think of it as a last gasp of irrationality before my marathon bid for fairness... Also, I only have a couple of months left of being a teenager. I kind of feel I should use that pretext while I still can.
Um, right. So. Generalisations about...
Finland: Finnish couples all build their own houses out of wood, and eat berries and elk. Finnish is a blatantly made-up language, related to Estonian, Magyar and Elvish.
Germany: German women all look refreshingly like lesbians. German men are all called Thorsten.
France: French men are all chauvinists. They are genuinely all called Pierre.
Denmark: Danish people all speak better English than you. This is because Danish is just like English after nine or ten pints.
Sweden: Swedish people are all tanned, belying the long Swedish winter which makes them suicidal. Like Finns and Norwegians they eat meat with lingonberries - yum!
Norway: For some reason Norwegians don't want to give all their oil money to the EU by joining in the hegemonic fun.
The Netherlands: Mark Twain once said, "Dutch is not so much a language as a disease of the throat."
Ireland: Irish people are all debilitatingly rich, hung over or lazy. They eat ready-potatoes.
England: Indigenous English people are already auto-generalized into a stupid class system: ethnic aristocracy (e.g. Sir Merriwink Smith-Smythe-Smith-Blinkingshire, Etc.); the vast "middle classes" (these all play musical instruments regardless of their politics); and the worker/peasant/single-mum group, who are given incredibly insulting collective names by the rest. Upper-middle-class English women turn orange at 12 or 13. London does not associate with the rest of England.
Northern Ireland: Northern Irish people are all either heavies or preachers but it doesn't matter because you can't understand what they're saying anyway.
Scotland: Scottish people are all incredibly white and depressed and half of them have red hair. They eat deep-fried Mars Bars. (I'm serious.)
Australia: White Australians have the largest noses of all the large-nosed peoples. They eat Barbies.
Canada: Canadians are outdoorsy and fit and sensible like Scandinavians. They spend their spare time sheltering US Army refugees and being quirky.
Hong Kong: Hong Kongese people are all smart, urbane and streetwise, and blinged up.
Taiwan: Taiwan's main function is as a source of celebrities. These are also often bling.
Russia: You can say a lot in Mandarin without moving your lips - but you can speak Russian just by vibrating various internal respiratory organs. Everything to do with Russia is incredibly serious. Russians eat borshcht.
Japan: Japanese girls all squeak and many of them wear bonnets. Japanese men are all slightly kooky. Japanese people adorn themselves with mutant cartoon animals. They eat vending machines.
The U.S.: Americans are a superlatively varied and disparate lot about whom absolutely no generalisation is permissible or possible in any way because it might make them feel bad about themselves and start stomping on things.
P. R. China: All PRC men wear those belts with the oblong metal brand-name buckles, like the "Playboy" brand. Chinese women can wear almost any colour or fabric and still look nice. Chinese people say "啊" a lot.
Poland: Polish people are a lot of things beginning with L: lascivious, laconic, lugubrious...
Spain: All Spanish people think that Italians are full of themselves and wear sunglasses.
Italy: All Italians wear sunglasses.
Cuba: All Cubans are beautiful and eat beans.
Wales: Welsh people do NOT all regularly use sheep for pleasure. Apparently that stereotype arose because Welsh sheep-rustlers knew that the penalty for, 啊, taking advantage of sheep was lighter than for rustling. So when they saw the police they dropped their trousers. I read that somewhere.
Africa generally: Well, that's enough generalising about Africa.
India: Everyone in India is called either Dipesh Chakrabarty or Jamset Jeejejeebhoy.
Dhubai: Everyone in Dhubai lives in a giant metal banana.
THE END
Wish me luck.
Glibness (yep - glibness) has led me down a terrible odious path of generalisation to which I'm like totally addicted. I say the most awful things, in the assumption that everyone else cares as little as I do! Too late, I realise this isn't the case, and that I'm in fact just extremely stupid.
Before I stop generalising entirely, I have to go on a binge. I hope it's educational.
Think of it as a last gasp of irrationality before my marathon bid for fairness... Also, I only have a couple of months left of being a teenager. I kind of feel I should use that pretext while I still can.
Um, right. So. Generalisations about...
Finland: Finnish couples all build their own houses out of wood, and eat berries and elk. Finnish is a blatantly made-up language, related to Estonian, Magyar and Elvish.
Germany: German women all look refreshingly like lesbians. German men are all called Thorsten.
France: French men are all chauvinists. They are genuinely all called Pierre.
Denmark: Danish people all speak better English than you. This is because Danish is just like English after nine or ten pints.
Sweden: Swedish people are all tanned, belying the long Swedish winter which makes them suicidal. Like Finns and Norwegians they eat meat with lingonberries - yum!
Norway: For some reason Norwegians don't want to give all their oil money to the EU by joining in the hegemonic fun.
The Netherlands: Mark Twain once said, "Dutch is not so much a language as a disease of the throat."
Ireland: Irish people are all debilitatingly rich, hung over or lazy. They eat ready-potatoes.
England: Indigenous English people are already auto-generalized into a stupid class system: ethnic aristocracy (e.g. Sir Merriwink Smith-Smythe-Smith-Blinkingshire, Etc.); the vast "middle classes" (these all play musical instruments regardless of their politics); and the worker/peasant/single-mum group, who are given incredibly insulting collective names by the rest. Upper-middle-class English women turn orange at 12 or 13. London does not associate with the rest of England.
Northern Ireland: Northern Irish people are all either heavies or preachers but it doesn't matter because you can't understand what they're saying anyway.
Scotland: Scottish people are all incredibly white and depressed and half of them have red hair. They eat deep-fried Mars Bars. (I'm serious.)
Australia: White Australians have the largest noses of all the large-nosed peoples. They eat Barbies.
Canada: Canadians are outdoorsy and fit and sensible like Scandinavians. They spend their spare time sheltering US Army refugees and being quirky.
Hong Kong: Hong Kongese people are all smart, urbane and streetwise, and blinged up.
Taiwan: Taiwan's main function is as a source of celebrities. These are also often bling.
Russia: You can say a lot in Mandarin without moving your lips - but you can speak Russian just by vibrating various internal respiratory organs. Everything to do with Russia is incredibly serious. Russians eat borshcht.
Japan: Japanese girls all squeak and many of them wear bonnets. Japanese men are all slightly kooky. Japanese people adorn themselves with mutant cartoon animals. They eat vending machines.
The U.S.: Americans are a superlatively varied and disparate lot about whom absolutely no generalisation is permissible or possible in any way because it might make them feel bad about themselves and start stomping on things.
P. R. China: All PRC men wear those belts with the oblong metal brand-name buckles, like the "Playboy" brand. Chinese women can wear almost any colour or fabric and still look nice. Chinese people say "啊" a lot.
Poland: Polish people are a lot of things beginning with L: lascivious, laconic, lugubrious...
Spain: All Spanish people think that Italians are full of themselves and wear sunglasses.
Italy: All Italians wear sunglasses.
Cuba: All Cubans are beautiful and eat beans.
Wales: Welsh people do NOT all regularly use sheep for pleasure. Apparently that stereotype arose because Welsh sheep-rustlers knew that the penalty for, 啊, taking advantage of sheep was lighter than for rustling. So when they saw the police they dropped their trousers. I read that somewhere.
Africa generally: Well, that's enough generalising about Africa.
India: Everyone in India is called either Dipesh Chakrabarty or Jamset Jeejejeebhoy.
Dhubai: Everyone in Dhubai lives in a giant metal banana.
THE END
Wish me luck.
